


freedom is where you find it

by smilingcrescent



Category: L'Arc~en~Ciel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-21
Updated: 2011-11-21
Packaged: 2017-11-26 07:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/647857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilingcrescent/pseuds/smilingcrescent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When everyday life gets to be too much for Hyde and Tetsu, a spontaneous road trip leads them to a quiet lull in busy lives. While on their way, what sorts of surprises will the two unlock?</p>
            </blockquote>





	freedom is where you find it

**Author's Note:**

> Time Frame: early L’Arc, pre-debut  
> Pairing: HaiTsu  
> Rating: PG13 for what may be considered “mature themes.”  
> Warnings/other: hints to romance. Switching Hyde/Tetsu 1st person PoV.  
> Word Count: 
> 
> Story Notes:
> 
> Dedicated to my friend, midgar_skyline, who inspired this fic with our discussion of her highly interesting interpetation of ibara no namida (いばらの涙). Originally posted on LJ, 2011-01-21 @ 15:28

(Tetsu PoV)

Sitting in the pharmacy has never been one of my favorite things, of course. Even the prospect of being so close to all these people (with their potential illnesses and various aches and pains) makes me ill at ease. It’s almost instinctive, really, to hold my breath without looking at anyone or saying a thing.

In the meanwhile, thoughts of recent exposure and disagreement within the band comes surfacing. All this on top of management and leadership responsibilities winds down to a massive headache and real lack of sleep. I can hardly keep from shifting back and forth as the various sick people wait in front of me.

I must have been here for ten minutes.

Finally, a pharmacist manages to free himself, and this consultant pulls himself up straight to deal with me. The man isn’t young, but he isn’t old, either. He has the kind of face that looks to be molded from plastic-- when it ages or gets to hot, it discolors and droops. Plastic, though, shows its age too soon. He might not be that much older than me. “And what seems to be the problem?” he asks, peering down at me with a professional air that manages to sound condescending, bored and concerned. All that, and in one breath.

I give a sigh, wanting to rest my arms on the counter, yet not wanting to get any closer-- to germs and what could very well be patient spittle-- than necessary. “Well...” I begin slowly, trying to gauge the situation.

The pharmacist sighs. He looks at me again, some impatience showing through as he looks me up and down. His eyes linger on my long, red hair.

Irritable now, I continue. “You see, I have tension headaches. Rather persistent ones. Moreover, I haven’t been sleeping well. I was wondering if you could give me some...advice.” I eye the place-marker bearing the word “consultation” for good measure.

The pharmacist gives me and my hair another stern look before beginning follow up questions. “You drink?”

I sullenly shake my head, wishing that my schedule and financial status would permit a more frequent drink than the current situation allowed. “No,” I affirm.

He looks skeptical. “I see. And caffeine intake?”

Cocking my head to the side, I consider this. “Normal,” I decide.

“Do you smoke?”

“No, but my friends do.” Which, I think sullenly, explains the ashtray smell clinging to me and my clothes.

“What do you usually do for sleepless nights?” His voice reminds me of a television doctor; it’s a little too clear, too loud.

I shrug. “Go over my work. Listen to music.” I think about it, and add, “Sometimes I’ll have some decaff tea.”

“Do you exercise regularly?” He asks now.

I shrug again. “I think I’m about normal,” I say, trying not to sound too defensive.

“Which is to say that you probably drink too much caffeine-- which explains the headaches-- and stress too much over work on top of too little exercise?” He pauses and gives a tiny chuckle. “Like everyone else, hm?”

Giving him an eye and a tight frown, I clear my throat. “And what am I supposed to do about that?”

“Herbal tea. Try some cardiovascular exercises before bed and lift weights a few times a week.” He shakes his head to indicate my hair, adding, “Soft music might be more conducive to rest during the night. Also, try not to think about work so much. Get a massage every once in a while. Come back if you tried this for a month or go straight to your doctor after that time. Thank you, and have a--”

“Wait, wait, wait!” I hold up my hands. “Do you have a pain killer or muscle relaxer or--”

“Do you have time or money to go on a vacation?” He asks suddenly.

“...no...?” I look at him sharply. “Why?”

“Do you have a hobby?”

I look at him incredulously.

“Take a short break. Go and get away from your work for a weekend. Maybe visit your relatives. Should solve your problems for a little bit. Ok?”

I nod wordlessly, wondering if I really just waited all that time-- in a less than pristine environment-- for a few words of “wisdom” and no medicine.

Great.

Just great.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Where are they?” I grumble, setting my bass down to storm to the glass window. “Don’t they know we have to pay for the studio even if they don’t show up?” I run a tense hand through my hair and let it drop. “This is not productive.” I whirl about to glare at the all-too-empty studio.

Hyde simply watches. His eyes are half-closed, contemplative, or maybe even amused. He chews on his lip thoughtfully, and then he stretches his arms out. “Tetsu,” He even stretches out my name, entreating. “I’m out of cigarettes.” His face is blank, emotionless.

I sigh, exasperated. “Hyde.” I sigh again. “Now is not the time to go on a cigarette run.

“Why not?” His voice is rich with teasing laughter. “They’re not coming, anyways.”

“Hyde, they’re late. Just late. They’re coming.” I stress the words, daring Hyde to say something more.

Hyde hides a smile behind a curtain of hair. He slides back into his chair, turning around to sit in it properly. He chuckles softly. “Tecchan, they’re really not coming.”

“What?” I mumble absentmindedly, going back to my spot to pick up my bass again. I strum a chord and then another.

“Just what I said. They’re not coming.” He laughs outright now. “Ken called a few minutes ago. The guy at the front desk said so when I went to go ask for cigarettes. They can’t come. Didn’t say why...something about a message at your place.”

I stare at Hyde incredulously. “Hyde, you went to bum cigarettes ten minutes ago.” I set my bags down again.

Hyde’s nose wrinkles as he laughs again. “You’re getting way too stressed about this! It’s just practice. And we have to pay for the whole time anyways...ten minutes doesn’t make a difference.”

“You are a brat.” I glance at my band mate. “We could have started with the lyrics or something...or packed up?”

He looks disbelievingly at me before thrusting his shoulders back and closing his eyes part of the way. He pouts. “You’re right, Tetsu...I was wrong. Please forgive me!” Hyde’s voice shakes and then cracks with laughter. He isn’t sorry at all. “Tetsu, you’re hilarious.” He gets up and opens my case. “It was a joke. A harmless joke.”

I refuse to look at him as we clean up. Our equipment takes minutes to pack up-- most of it belongs to the studio.

Even though our short time was intended for the whole band, we hadn’t fit in much time. To little to be useful at all, Ken might have said. Maybe that’s why he bailed on us today.

When we’re done, Hyde leans in front of me and offers a playful smile. “Tetsu, buy me some cigarettes.”

“Why should I?” I roll my eyes, but I can’t help but smile.

“You’re not doing anything anyways.” Hyde says in a sing-song voice. “Come on Tetsu. Let’s get out of here.” He pulls me by the arm and leads me out of there.

Still only half aware of the world around me, I just let it all go.

Maybe Hyde knows what he’s doing, after all...

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

(Hyde PoV)

“I can’t believe how expensive these fucking cigarettes are.” I grumble (mostly to myself).I open the door to Tetsu’s car and settle back into the passenger seat, closing the door behind me. As I fumble with the cigarette package, scratching at the plastic wrap until it comes off, I let my mind clear out. Blank out a little. I’ve just opened the carton when Tetsu clears his throat.

“Don’t smoke in my car, Hyde.” Tetsu lectures, sounding like a harried mother. He looks at me meaningfully until I open the door again to smoke outside.

I give him an annoyed look as I close the doors, and I light a cigarette, watching as a high-schooler pulls her bike up to the convenient store and another older man gets out of his car. I turn away from these people and watch the overcast sky. Spring is coming soon, I notice, but there’s still a winter-like chill in the air. I wonder when it will start to look like spring?

I lean against Tetsu’s car, and gaze up at the cloudy sky.

I peer at Tetsu as I lean in to tap on the window, giving him a little wave before going back to my cigarette. It feels weird, smoking right outside my friends’ company.

I breathe out slowly, watching the smoke leave my mouth and I try and think of something tantalizing. Something unique and just me.

A moment later, I open the door. “So,” I drawl. “where are we going now, Mighty Leader?” I lick my lips, thinking of the wasted practice time.

Tetsu looks a little annoyed, and his shoulders are in knots. He must be really tense, if I can see that by just looking at him. His eyes are darker than usual, and he has a tired look to him. “What?” He asks, clearly taken by surprise at my question.

Laughing on my tobacco high, I give him a friendly poke. “Let’s go!” I laugh and gesture happily towards the road.

So with an amused look that hides some of the sadness, he nods a little, and we’re off-- heading towards a journey neither of us knew we’d take.

Heh. Sounds fun.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I almost slept through Osaka. By the time I woke up from my daze, a lot has changed out the window. I sleepily think about this.

It’s always a guess, always a dream. My eyes drift shut. In my mind’s eye, the sun leaves gold rings shining, and I can see it even in the dark there. The atmosphere is surprisingly relaxed. I think again, But I wish Tetsu wouldn’t speed...

The countryside is unusually quiet, I think before my thoughts slow down again, my eyes drifting shut. I shake myself from sleepy musings. Just wake up... I tell myself.

“Mm?” Tetsu asks, looking a touch surprised.

Guess I said that aloud.

I give him a tiny smile. “Yah, it’s about time to, uh, get on.” I toss my head again, as though shaking away dreams or sleep.

Tetsu simply smiles, not bothering with a reply.

I straighten myself up, willing myself into a better frame of mind. I glance out the window, looking without seeing much but blurs of green. “So...” I say after a few moments of silence “I didn’t really expect you to take me up on that offer.” I begin, half amused and partially bored even with my thoughts.

“Oh?” he gives me a look fit to crown. “Why do you say so?”

I try not to snort with laughter. “You’re just...you. Not likely to run off on us.” I give him one long look, trying to read his heart. “Something bothering you?”

Ignoring that question, Tetsu simply stares at the road.

Sighing to myself, I give Tetsu an up-and-down. “Mm-hmm. Yeah, well, I certainly have it rough.” Watching Tetsu for a reaction, I leave off with my caution and let my tongue loose. It’s not hard, really. “The whole thing’s just fucked, back home, and I can’t hardly think much less relax between all that noise...

“My girlfriend’s been kinda bitchy, lately, and her whole attitude’s just changed so-- much...I think she mighta broke up with me, actually.” I glance at my jeans, thinking of the pack of cigarettes therein, an I wish Tetsu wouldn’t notice if I lit one up, but that’s not gonna happen, is it? Shit.

“And I’m really, really hungry but I’ve overdrawn my account...and I’ve got this check I need to cash, but I can’t bring it to the bank ‘cause then I still won’t have money for food, and it sucks, ‘cause I can’t buy anything anyways. Crap. So...bored and hungry and just. Meh. It’s kinda like, ‘Now what?’ only I don’t really have anyone to ask...” So I trail off, wondering what leaving town for a day could do to help the situation. Maybe nothing. I shrug my shoulder up to m chin, wondering when I can wake up from this nightmare.

Tetsu surprises me with a reply, though, before I can make up my mind to listen. “Are you gonna need someplace to stay, then?” He doesn’t wait for me to answer, just going on to further his thought. “You can stay with me for a while, if you’d like. I’ll make sure there’s food for you...” He trails off too, obviously not in the mood for talking.

I find myself smiling, now, unaware of anything but a quiet sense of fulfillment.

Seems like this was a good idea, after all.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The trees at the rest stop sway in a gentle breeze that I can barely feel. Some kind of bug chirps at us, but I’ve no real idea what it is, or what it’s doing. The breeze doesn’t help much, and the whole place seems to be just one step below comfortable. I think the wind’s playing tricks on us, really, with a touch of humor in where it blows.

I catch a handful of Tetsu’s hair (just blowing so-very prettily, like a streamer in the wind), and I let my fingers feel the strands. I smile at Tetsu’s inquisitive glance, and lead his gaze with a tilt of my head.

“What?” He asks, his voice soft and his tone clear.

I don’t reply right away. Instead, I allow the breeze to keep my company with hardly any thought for it. “You wanna story?” I ask. My voice has lost some of the playfulness from before.

Tetsu hesitates for barely a moment before nodding his consent. “Sure.” His expression is clear and calm like water. I'd never thought it so before. Strangely beautiful.

I let my smile spread to my eyes. “Ok.” And I take his hand, just ready to pull him after me. I don’t know where I’m going, but I walk into the wind, wanting to go somewhere just right. With him behind me just like that, I could get him to go anywhere. It's an exciting, thrilling feeling.

The grassy area isn’t too big, so I head for the treeline. Finally, I see the spot I’m looking for, just out of sight but close enough not to worry.

“Live.” I announce dramatically. I pull his arm and plop the two of us on the ground.

Tetsu gives a dry laugh, and he pulls my hand away to brush my long hair away. It's typical, how he separates us like that.

“What’s the story?” It's a gentle smile, just playing on his lips there.

“Well...” I begin, looking from one place to the next and trying to figure out what to say. My lack of real ideas must have been blatantly apparent.

He takes the spot from me, though, saying, “No, let me. I have a story for you.” His eyes are bright, his smile soft. A mirror to the sky... 

I settle back to listen, my eyes wide and alert. “Okay,” I say simply, leaning back on my hands. The grass is soft, and the sky blue.

I run my tongue over the jagged line of my teeth, and let my mouth turn up as he begins to pool his words.

"In my childhood, I heard a story...and it's stuck with me since then." Tetsu looks down, his eyes wandering past the green leaves to the blue sky, and the street lamp a little way's off. He seems to be looking for a way to continue, a way to move the words from his mind to his mouth. He gently licks his lip before beginning again. "Once, there was a bird...

"It was a bird like none other, and it's called the 'Bird of Thorns.' From the moment it is born, it takes off into the sky, and it flies all over the world..." here Tetsu pauses and looks off into the distance. "It looks, never stopping, looking--strangely enough-- for a thornbush."

I nod quietly, imagining a beautiful bird flying through a beautiful sky.

"It never lands." Tetsu's voice is quiet. He looks as though he would elaborate on the story, but the truth of it parts his lips before thought can. "Not once, until it finds the perfect thorn bush..."

I stare at Tetsu, wondering what kind of world he's thinking of. I can tell that this means more to him, as a story, than he's giving away.

Tetsu's eyes are clear and bright, unwavering. "So it alights there, on this thorn bush, and it seeks out the most perfect thorn it can find." He nods slightly to himself, and his lips twitch once, as though he might smile, but doesn't. "When it does, the Thornbird impales itself there upon it, spilling its blood on the thorns."

I raise my eyebrows, a little surprised by the imagery.

"But the song it sings," Tetsu continues, finally looking away into the sky turning from gray to blue, and he fades off a little. I can barely make out the words. "It's the first, and the last. It’s more perfect, more beautiful, than any other in the world."

I look at Tetsu reflectively, wondering at his faintly sorrowful, sweet expression. The story...It leaves a feeling, a rush of images and emotion that I hadn’t expected. A little raw, actually, and a little too close to his true heart.

Tetsu leans against his arm with a plain expression. The sweet look of fascination has left off for a more gentle countenance-- a look of contemplation. “Did you like it?”

This says little to me, however, and I have to know what he means. “And?” I ask.

“And what?” His expression betrays little.

“What’d you mean by that?” I purse my lips a little and lean in to get a better glimpse of Tetsu’s eyes.

He looks away but pulls one hand through his long, smooth hair. As he thinks it over, he runs his fingers through it, breathing little for a moment. “Ah, you don’t know?” He finally admits.

He looks at me calmly now, all too willing to pull this into an argument.

I snort. “I really don’t know what to make of it,” I insist.

He gives me an incredulous look. “Uh-huh.” He looks skeptic. “Are you sure?”

Ignoring that, I toss my hair and demand, “So. Explain.”

Tetsu gives me a half-stern, half amused look. “Hyde, it’s a love story.”

This time, I laugh out loud. “Yeah?”

Brushing his fingers through his long hair again, Tetsu gives me a measured look-over. “The thorn is its lover, and the blood is its tears. It’s a beautiful story.”

Smiling somewhat vindictively, I promptly remind Tetsu, “I don’t believe in love.”

He rolls his eyes.

“But it’s cool...blood and suicide, really romantic,” I tease. Suddenly, I want to break the gap between us. I lean in a little.

But Tetsu looks me in the eye. “I heard that story as a child. It’s always touched me,” he says quietly.

“Oh.” I say simply. That was the wrong thing to say... I think to myself.

He brushes it off with a smile and offers, “You shouldn’t be so hard on love,” he remarks, and his tone is suddenly teasing.

“Uh-huh...” I stare off into space for a bit.

“Look,” Tetsu says at last. “You wanna go?”

I nod, and we leave the greenery for the confines of the car.

The door closes, and the minutes stretch between us in silence.

“So...” Tetsu begins at length. “If you don’t believe in it, what do you call that emotion?”

Blinking quickly, I blurt, “What?”

“Love,” he says. “The thing about love--”

I stare at him. “It isn’t love, it’s a--”

“--connection between people?” he takes his eyes off the road to meet my incredulous gaze. “A red thread--”

“--of destiny, right?” I roll my eyes now. “You’re such a dreamer, sometimes.” I laugh, not at all gently, but in good humor.

“No, seriously, what’s that feeling, if not love?”

“What feeling?” I gripe. “Shit, I think you’re fooling yourself, if you think you’ve felt it at all. Something like ‘love.’”

Tetsu, looking unperturbed, changes the subject. "The story of the Thornbird, it's a myth you know. The thornbush is a rosebush, and the rose itself is the bird's lover. Really, the bird is coming to embrace the rose, but in doing so, it only manages to hurt itself." He brushes his hand against the green leaves.

I nod, and keep my expression straight. "The rose pierces the bird's heart-- because the closer you get, the greater the hurt." This makes sense to me.

"But a thorn is true to its nature...it cannot cry. Except, of course, the tears of blood...the blood of the thorn bird becomes the thorn's tears." his elaboration makes the story a bitter-sweet nature.

I lean in, close enough to smell the light and clean fragrance of Tetsu's cheek. "The thorn's tears..." I repeat quietly.

"Yes." he says it quieter still-- almost like a confession.

With a laugh that I hope sounds gentle and not mocking, I run my hands through Tetsu's hair. "We should go."

Tetsu nods his agreement, and he pulls himself to his feet.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

(Tetsu PoV)

Hyde is quiet as we walk out of the park, making our way into the countryside and back again onto worn, dirt roads. It feels like we could reach the gods, or reach a dream, walking in the quiet, misty after-effects of rain. I take a breath of the sweet air, and notice a grayish car drive past. It looks as though it's lost its connection with the world.

There's a puddle lining the side of the road, and I can see somebody's tracks around it, and some animal tracks coming through it-- looks as though someone has trekked very close to our little hideaway.

The more I breathe the country air, it seems as though I can taste the city in it, just waiting to come out. The highway beckons, and I can't wait to reply. But first...there's this nagging feeling of something that needs to be done.

It's really quite something...I came here to get my head cleared, and I leave with a sense of real anticipation. I can almost taste the music that's going to be written...

Feeling the breeze and his hand in my hair as one-- what could have possessed him, I don't know-- I walk on.

The clouds clear for a moment, and we amble along the side of the road. I kick the dirt quietly, and sit just out of reach of the car. Hyde doesn't notice at first, and so he walks a little farther on. I rub my fingers together experimentally, and catch a small stick in my hand. With it as my brush, I carve an upside-down "u" into the dirt...

Hyde looks over his shoulder. I can almost taste his amusement. "Tetsu." His voice is only a little mocking. "What are you doing?"

I begin to draw another curve, just under the other, as Hyde comes to inspect my work.

He laughs a little, and with his little finger, he adds another parallel line-- until we have a rainbow, as though it's landed here before us.

I smile at Hyde, and he smiles a cocky little smile right back. He may be filled with a sharp wit and a teasing nature, but he's here, and I'm comforted by him.

It's been, I think, a very good day.

I start to look forward to the coming meetings and goings, wondering where my blue sky ends, and the thorn bush begins...

I guess I'll have to find out.

I gesture to the car. We get in, and as I begin to take off, the radio begins to play. We've fully submersed ourselves back in the real world, back to civilization. The Thornbird seems to have taken a small resting place in Hyde's imagination. And somehow, I think, we'll have managed to bring a little of the dream back with us.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, anyways, thoughts?


End file.
